friends who kiss sometimes

what do you do when you find yourself in a haze, in front of lips you were never supposed to graze?

you lie in front of me, our noses touching, faces merging, your eyes merging, looking like a 3 eyed alien, not in the way that girls would like. but I’m not one of your girls.

you better believe that I truly believe that I was never meant to be here. but your face melts into my body and I can’t differentiate between lust and love and you and him anymore. for which blind cow knows the difference between a stick and a bone? 

you better believe that I truly believed that I was never meant to be here, but I hear your heartbeat and it just might be that I could help you with slowing it down. you’ve been in pain for far too long, you could let it out on me. 

four years since your walls broke down, two days since I saw you almost break, you’ve been my dearest friend, proven time and time again. 

so what does it mean for us to be here in this moment? this could go so wrong both ways, I lack self government. your lips are touching mine and I don’t care to stop it. let the world melt, I’ll melt with you, forever cemented in history together, even if history lasts only for a bit.

I shouldn’t like it this much but it’s been years since I was touched and brought to life. or a day, I kissed your best friend yesterday. his hands were around my neck. your chin is on my neck, same spot, it hurts. 

you breathe on my neck, my weak spot, it’s intimate. then you ask me if it tickles and everything changes, I can’t stop laughing. Now I find myself staring at your closed eyes, dark room, our lips almost touching. you kissed me with the lights turned on, you didn’t pretend I was somebody else. 

when asked about it later, you said in the letter that it was simply platonic, and that this ends when we find our lovers. it’s an expression of love, no different than a hug. we’d do the same thing even as worms.

well for now, we’re friends who kiss in the privacy of our homes. 

a secret to the grave, our friends would kill us if they know.